What, do you need to be struck by lightning?

Or what other "sign" are you waiting for?

I heard an interesting story about signs yesterday. A local resident, Phil, shared his story about a recent incident he had with a beaver. As I listened, I couldn't help but wonder how blind Phil was to the signs he was receiving from ... Someone!

Phil's five-acre yard has a small lake. On that lake is a small island. And on that island was a willow tree. Phil was quite enamored with the tree as it made the scene was quite idyllic.

Idyllic until a beaver took up residence in the lake.

One night Phil heard some gnawing sounds coming from outside, but as he lives in rural area, he didn't think much of it. The next morning, however he was stunned. As he looked from his porch to his little paradise island, the willow tree was gone! That beaver had cut it down and was using it to build his new home!

Over the coming days and weeks, the beaver made swift progress through the rest of the trees on the island, and the once beautiful island was slowly and surely being ruined.

Phil felt a great conflict in his heart -- did he want to keep his beautiful island or let the beaver be? He didn't really want to kill the beaver, but he didn't want to lose his island, either. So he checked with a local trapper hoping that he could relocate the beaver; the trapper informed Phil he would just kill the beaver.. and he would charge him for it.

So Phil made the decision to shoot the beaver himself.

Over the next couple of weeks Phil hunted the beaver. Beavers are nocturnal creatures, so each evening Phil would put on his head lamp and stalk the beaver late into the night. From time to time he would see the beaver and take shots at it, but since Phil was no marksman he would always miss. This went on for many nights. And each night Phil would experience more doubt and regret -- he didn't really want to kill the beaver after all.

Eventually the beaver got used to Phil, and would wander around in plain view, and would even sit and stare at Phil. With the beaver's guard lowered, one evening, Phil got the chance he needed -- the beaver was so close Phil couldn't possibly miss. So Phil took careful aim, calmed his breathing, pulled the trigger, and ...

Nothing happened! The gun had jammed!

Phil was so frustrated! He was tired of hunting the stupid beaver. He didn't want to stay up so late each night in the cold. He was sick of losing his little paradise island!

So he quickly checked the gun, found the problem, fixed it and he took aim.

He calmed his breath.

He slowly squeezed the trigger... and blam! He shot the beaver...

And, sadly, the beaver was killed.

As I listened to this story, I couldn't help but notice how many signs from God, Nature, or the Infinite Intelligence (whatever you'd like to call it) Phil had received. It was so clear to me that someone or something was giving Phil a clear message: don't kill this creature.

I was so obvious to me. Phil was so persistent in taking a life, but the Universe was telling him not to! I couldn't believe how hard he was trying to kill another being. In my mind I judged him as a fool!

Have you ever noticed how people are always asking for signs from Heaven or God. Always we ask for some simple sign to tell us what to do. Please God, give me a sign, tell me what to do!

I do this as well. I often ask for a sign. For some guidance.

I ask, but rarely do I ever get the sign I want.

But after I heard Phil's story and observed how oblivious he was to the signs from Beyond -- to me, I don't think it could be any more obvious that signs were being given! -- I wonder, how many signs have I just not listened to, or could not see?

Do you ever wonder how many signs have you missed?

Are your prayers,wishes, and hopes being answered after all?

Campbell River Diversity Health Fair an Incredible Success!

Diversity + Health + Fair = Success!

The people of Campbell River have shown that their health is very important to them. On Saturday August 13th, the Immigrant Welcome Centre of Campbell River opened the doors to their 1st Annual Diversity Health Fair. The fair is based on Vancouver’s annual fair, the largest event of its kind in Canada. While Vancouver had 0.6 % of its population, or 1 out of every 183 people, attend their fair Campbell River had 2.7% of the population, or 1 out of every 38 people, attend the fair...

Not Exercising Hard Enough? Exercising Too Hard?

This article courtesy my personal trainer Jason "Fitman" Hart. No lie, Jason is one of the best physical trainers I've ever had, and to me he embodies the whole being of "Teacher". Motivation, support, education, know-how, belief, and most importantly care. Jason actually cares about his clients. He wants the best for us, and I believe that I will have it, being with him.

See more of Jason's articles at http://getsexycampbellriver.com/

Not Exercising Hard Enough? Exercising Too Hard?

Posted on August 27, 2011 by Fitmanhart

4 signs you’re not working hard enough, and 4 signs you’re working too hard specifically with regards to metabolic-type workouts

Let’s first define what Metabolic Training is…

Metabolic Training is the ultimate fusion of anaerobic strength and aerobic cardio exercise and adds a new twist to the classic bodybuilding routines of the past.

A metabolic workout is essentially a total body interval workout using short, max effort anaerobic work periods (typically 15-60 seconds in length) performed in an alternating set format (such as supersets, circuits, complexes, Tabatas, etc.) with short, incomplete rest periods between exercises (typically 10-30 seconds in length).

The high training intensity builds strength and muscle, jacks up anaerobic metabolism, and creates a large post-workout afterburn for up to 48 hours after completing your workout.

The high training density, or work completed per unit of time, causes a great deal of direct calorie burning during the workout to best stimulate fat loss.

Finally, the negative work-to-rest ratios (e.g. 20 seconds of work and 10 seconds of rest) inherent to the vast majority of metabolic workouts create a cumulative fatigue that also stimulates aerobic metabolism and thus provides incredible cardiovascular benefits.

That being said, metabolic training is not for the weak of mind or heart and it’s all about working as hard as you possibly can at your current fitness level. Outlined below is a general criteria to follow to ensure you do just that:

4 Signs You’re NOT Working Hard Enough

1.) Lack of Muscular Burn: Anaerobic exercise with short, incomplete rest periods creates a great deal of lactic acid accumulation causing intense muscular fatigue and burning. Simply put, if your muscles aren’t burning, you’re not working hard enough. However, this does not mean that you need train to muscular failure on every set. However, for the optimal training effect you should come close to but stop just before technical failure, the point at which going any further would comprise proper exercise form and technique.

2.) Lack of Personal Confrontation: Studies show that training intensity, not volume, determines the degree of metabolic boost from a given workout. That being said, if you don’t have at least a couple moments during your workout when you feel like you want to quit or you want to hit your personal trainer, you’re not working hard enough. Progressive overload remains the hallmark of any solid fitness routine and if you are not pushing past your comfort zone your body will stop adapting to ANY routine. This is nothing more than the woman/man in the mirror test- get some!

3.) No Sounds of Exertion: If you’re not grunting, groaning, huffing, or puffing you’re simply not working hard enough. Your heart rate should be up the whole workout with your lungs working overtime and you might even get a nice little workout booger or two by the time it’s all said and done. In other words, these total body workouts create a systemic effect that activates your body’s fight or flight response to help you go the distance. I’m not saying you have to scream like a rabid animal, but I am saying that I wouldn’t be surprised if you did. Finally, I think another good analogy is the 4 letter word test- if you’re not fighting back the burning desire to yell out a profane 4 letter word or two, well then you’re probably not working hard enough.

4.) Not Sweating: A good metabolic workout will have you glistening during the first couple minutes of the workout and your shirt should be soaked halfway in. If you’re not dripping in a pool of your own sweat at the end of each workout, you simply did not use use heavy enough loads or advanced enough exercise variations to create a metabolic disturbance. Either that or you were resting too long between sets. In general, you should never take more than 60 seconds of rest between sets with metabolic training and 10-30 seconds seems to be the sweet spot.

4 Signs You’re Working Too Hard

1.) Diminished Training Intensity: In general, if you need to reduce your training loads from set to set, then you’re probably working too hard. Your goal is to be able to use the sames loads at the end of the workout that you used in the beginning without excessively resting before increasing the loads in the subsequent workout. The only exception here is if the workout actually calls for you to reduce your loads throughout the training session. In addition, it’s better to go into a given work period with a general rep range to work within. For example, if you were using 30-second work periods, a typical rep range within that time frame is 8-12 reps if you’re moving at the typical 3-4 second per rep tempo. If you’re getting more than 15 reps, the loads are too light. If you’re getting less than 6 reps, the loads are too heavy.

2.) Excessive Resting: If you are being forced to rest/pause a couple times during a work period, or you’re resting longer than your rest periods allow for, you’re probably working too hard. If you choose the appropriate exercise intensity, you should be able to train with minimal if any stopping during the work periods within your workout. As the workout progresses, a brief 3-5 second pause here and there to reset and reload is fine, but if you’re taking any longer than that and stopping constantly, then you need to reduce your loads or regress the exercise appropriately.

3.) Excessive Breathing: A good workout will have you breathing hard as your body’s demand for oxygen increases, but you should never be completely out of breath or gasping for air. If you start wheezing or coughing, that’s a clear sign to stop exercising immediately. If symptoms persist, it could be related to exercise-induced asthma or another serious condition and you should seek immediate medical attention. It’s important to note that larger individuals with more muscle mass will have greater overall oxygen demands and will thus be more prone to being out of breath than their smaller, less muscled counterparts.

4.)Dizziness or Blurred Vision: If you get dizzy or have vision trouble during any portion of exercise, then you’re probably working too hard. Either that or you could be experiencing a migraine or vertigo or have symptoms of low blood pressure, dehydration, or lack of nutrition. If this conditions persists, you must immediately discontinue your fitness program and seek medical attention.
Is it time to revv up the intensity level?

The Third Mistake You're Making... Your decisions are ruled by FEAR

In this series of articles, we've been looking at the mistakes Professional Women Make that Keep them Feeling Bored at Work and Trapped by the Corporate Cage.

So far we have discussed what happens when you do not invest in yourself, and what the result of isolating yourself is.

But I think that this next mistake is the main barrier to success in life, and it is internal to ourselves: it is Fear. Fear in all its shapes and forms.

Fear of change: What if we do this and my life changes? I'll tell you this: it's going to change whether you like it or not. But you have a choice -- you can be at the cause of the change or at the Effect of it.

Fear of failure -- what if I try and it doesn't work? This fear is near and dear to my heart. But I have a favorite quote that addresses it:

In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is: NOTHING.

Fear of Failure has a buddy: Fear of Success: What if I do this and become so successful, so famous, what will happen then?

I've had the same fear in my life. For example, I made a decision about a year ago to really get comfortable with speaking in front of people. But I definitely feared the implications. I asked: What will happen if I do some knuckle headed thing on stage in front of thousands of people -- will I bring unending embarrassment to myself, my friends and my family?

But nothing in life is predictable. We try to use past experience to predict the future, but the thing I have learned about myself, you and all humans is that we have this infinite capacity to make 180 degree turns in our lives.

We fear the unknown, but ironically the unknown is also the realm of possibility. When we live in the realm of the possible -- of what CAN be -- we expand our capacity to adapt, dream and create!

If you're like me, you are probably sitting there saying, yeah, so what? I knew I was afraid. But what do I do about it?

I've learned that the first step is awareness. First, be aware of when you are allowing fear to stop you from doing what you want to do.

Once you are aware of the fear, then you can ask yourself -- is it a legitimate fear, or am I just making it up? Often our fears are just imaginary, fictitious interpretations based on pure fantasies. Clearly there are times when your fears are justified -- someone points a gun at you, and it's quite appropriate to be afraid -- or maybe a massive spider is looking at you like you could feed her for the next century.

Can you imagine what others will tell you if you have these fears? -- don't be afraid, just get over it! I've gotten that from people a lot, but I've come to finally accept that all of our fears are appropriate -- if you feel afraid, feel afraid! There's nothing wrong with that!

But if the fear is not based on something life-threatening -- i.e. there is no gun pointed at you -- and it is preventing you from achieving something you want to achieve in life, then it's time to start looking at the true source of the fear. What's it really about?

Some common sources of fear are survival and isolation. I often think that if I don't earn money, I will starve and die -- my very survival is at stake, therefore, if I go into an interview situation. Because if I don't earn money, I WILL DIE!!! Or so I believe ;)

As well, fear of being isolated or abandoned is very common. I'm afraid of speaking my mind, of really telling people what I think (whether or not my thoughts are accurate). I'm afraid that if I do that, everyone -- yes EVERYONE -- will hate me, and I will be shunned, excommunicated and left to rot on a mountain in the middle of nowhere.

What are your deep-seated fears?

... some ideas for ways to overcome these fears will be discussed in the next article...

From the series:

If you want to learn more about how Life Coaching can help you, contact me for a free consultation. info@bestcoaching.ca

Coping With Stress After A Cancer Diagnosis

Article courtesy Emily Walsh. See more great articles at Em-Musings.

Thanks so much for your contribution Emily!

Follow Emily on Facebook.
Follow Emily on Twitter.

Coping With Stress After A Cancer Diagnosis

For many people, a cancer diagnosis means the beginning of a very stressful time in their lives. A person may worry about what the future holds for them, what will happen to their family members, or what kinds of pain and misery they will face during treatment. Many people who have received a cancer diagnosis will find a multitude of things to stress out about, but it is important for these people to know that they can cope with the stress and live a better life. However, some people may not be able to cope with cancer on their own, and this is when having a knowledgeable and reliable support team becomes highly important to a person's fight against cancer.

Did you know that one of the best ways that you can help yourself after a cancer diagnosis is to talk about it? When you are facing the possibility of living with mesothelioma or another type of cancer, it is best to seek counseling to help you deal with the stress that can come into your life as a result of the diagnosis. However, you want to make sure that the person you are talking to is going to do more than just listen to you. You need to seek a counselor or life coach that will help you deal with your stressful feelings and turn your experience into a positive one. You can do more than just go to treatments and lie in bed all day. It is possible for you to live a great life, but you may need someone to help you achieve that.

There are so many resources out there to help you find ways to cope with stress during challenging situations, which includes setting realistic goals for yourself, making sure that you are prepared for stressful situations (e.g. job interviews), and looking at the positive aspects of your life rather than focusing on the negative. During stressful times, such as those that occur with a lung cancer, multiple myeloma, or mesothelioma prognosis, you may need someone to help you achieve these things. A life coach can help you do all of these things and more.

As a cancer survivor, it will benefit you greatly to identify both the big and the small things that add stress to your life and work to get rid of them or to turn them into positive life factors. If you don’t deal with the stress, it will hold you back from living your best life. Whether it’s for yourself, your children, or your family, begin the journey toward total happiness today. Remember that stress can only make things worse, but seeking help can make things much better for you.

Thank you to my fans, friends and supporters...

Some amazing things have happened today.

I just got my first full-pay, with a four month commitment, coaching client!

I guess I won't totally believe it until I get the first cheque in the bank, but my declaration has become reality.

I'm reminded of star wars:

Luke: "I don't believe it…"

Yoda: "That is why you fail."

But before the meeting, I repeated to myself over and over and over again (as I learned from Brian Tracy): "You are the best coach!".. and then I got my full pay client.

I think I need a little support to keep the belief alive until I actually get the money in the bank, but OMG, this is AMAZING! WHAT AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE!

4 months ago I made the decision to be a life coach, and in 4 months I have generated a full paying client OUT OF NOTHING. This relationship did not exist before I made my choice 4 months ago.

And now it does.

If that's not a real proof of the power of thought and possibility, I don't know what is.

Yeah, I've got a hang up about the physical manifestation of it in the form of money, but holy freaking hell man!

And guess what? Today, on this day, I also got TWO requests from other bloggers to post articles on my blog. This has never happened before. But somehow, today, they were compelled to read my blog and they were inspired to want to partner with me in the mission that I am on in life.

HOLY SHIT, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?

Is this actually real? Somebody pinch me, QUICK!

But really, I want to thank all of you who are behind me, supporting me, my friends, family, teammates, and all of you other souls who I have not yet had the honor of meeting but of whom I know are on my side. I can have the Vision, but it is YOU who are supporting me to make it a reality.

Humbly yours,

Heal the World! Diversity Health Fair 2011

Part one of my speech:

Part two of my speech:

Are you projecting?

As I've been launching my new career as a Life Coach, I've had a number of people offer me suggestions about how I should or should not do things.

I know all of them are caring and genuinely want to help me in their own way. But I've noticed that many people offer suggestions framed as,

"You should... " or "You shouldn't..." (or equivalent in less direct wording)

I've been reading about projecting -- the tendency many of us have to see things OUTSIDE of us that actually originate INSIDE of us.

For example, if you're mad at your partner for not listening to you and you wind up saying to them: "you should listen to me more!", you may be projecting a belief that you have about yourself: namely that YOU don't listen to your partner.

The idea is that our inner conflicts are usually unconscious and we project our inner struggles onto others...

The concept isn't really new to me, but I've recently learned an interesting approach to taking back projections.

One activity you can take is to substitute "I am" for "You shouldn't" / "I am not" for "You should"

e.g. When you say to someone: "You shouldn't blame me.", restate as an I statement: "I am blaming me.".

"You should be more respectful of others." can be restated as "I am not respectful of others."

This is an interesting experiment to play with yourself... and I found that it really got me to asking what my intention is when I tell people what they should or should not do. In many cases, I've identified some judgements of myself.

Try this out the next time you're in conversation with someone and you notice you're telling them what they should or should not do; try re-framing the sentence into what YOU are or are not doing.

... insights drawn from...

What has the Rotary Duck Race done for Campbell River?

I asked some .. more experienced members? (trying not to say "old" .. whoops!) ... where the money from the annual Duck Race goes. Here's what they've told me so far:

Karl Uhlig Garden at the hospital,
Yuculta Lodge Sun Room.
Woods Creek enhancement,
Strathcona Gardens – water bikes,
Words on the Water,
Bridge in the Beaverlodge Lands,
Community garden,
Skate Park,
Maritime Heritage Centre,
Food Bank,
Association for Community Living Kitchen,
Salvation Army,
Strathcona Wilderness Centre,
John Howard Society,
Playground on the spit,
Playground at Centennial Pool,
Search and Rescue,
Head Injury Society building project,
Disc Golf park,
Outdoor Basketball court at the Sportplex,
Slowpitch Assn.,
CR Celtic Arts Society,
Willow Point Scouts,
Forest Cirle Child Care Program at Timberline,
Lights on the Pier,
The Waterpark to be completed by May 2012.

So are you gonna buy a ticket and support YOUR community?

Talk to me or any Rotarian if you want to participate.

Lessons can come any time, any place

Seven months ago I began working with a life coach, and two months ago I began my life coach training program. Those are two environments in which I am intentionally learning and growing in my capacity to guide and support the people around me.

I've held the belief for a while now that anyone and anything can be your teacher, and the training program I'm in supports that belief. In fact, being a coach for another human being is one of the greatest opportunities to learn about myself. So it's fair to say that I'm usually ready to learn.

But every now and again I get caught off guard, and a lesson and teacher will sneak up and punch me right in the nose! That happened today.

I have an intention of growing my coaching practice this month. By the end of this month (August), it is my intention to have five new clients. So, with the intention of making a declaration (as a coach I enlist my clients to Declare and Fulfill), I innocently crafted a tweet today as follows:

I commit to having 5 full pay coaching clients by the end of Aug-- who's on my team?

Shortly after sending that tweet, a person, my teacher for the day, sent me a direct message.

Might want to be careful fishing for clients here.. They do not appreciate that!

Immediately my defenses raised, and I thought: "oh crap, I don't want to piss off people! that's totally not my intent -- I'm just asking for support! any kind!". So I messaged this person back:

oh, is that how that came across? not my intention at all! my intention was to ask for support... in all shapes and forms :)

I thought that would have cleared everything up. But it didn't end there...

ya got nothin in the bank of XXXX. Before withdrawal must come deposit. You of all ppl should know that.

and

You need to build relationships. It's weird when perfect strangers ask for help

Now my feelings are getting hurt, and I'm getting mad, because this person is telling me what I should and should not do. AND he's got a bizarre interpretation of when it's acceptable to ask for help. So I was being insulted, and I was getting 'should-on'!

or was I?

In the back of my mind, my training and self-awareness started to kick in: "Hey, this person is speaking from judgment and interpretation..." and "I'm getting sucked into judgment and interpretation myself.".

See, here's what I've distinguished in the past few months: there is Reality, and there is Interpretation of Reality. Reality is the realm of facts, and interpretation is the land of judgement and imagination. Most of us spend most of our time Interpreting Reality.

For example, some a-hole cuts us off on the road.

Spoken as a fact this is more accurately stated as "a person drives in front of us suddenly on the road, leaving little space between my car and his bumper. My body tenses and my heart begins to pound".

Spoken as interpretation, the guy 'cuts us off' -- an expression full of interpretation and judgment (as in, what kind of person cuts us off?.. he's rude and a jerk) -- and many of us (me for sure) would judge that person as being an idiot. And I would get angry..

or is it afraid? The judgement and interpretation is that I'm angry, but the fact is that my body has these particular sensations that I INTERPRET to be anger.

Back to the tweeting situation: the fact is I wrote a tweet. I interpreted that tweet to be a declaration and a request for support (of any kind). I did not interpret that tweet as fishing for clients. In my mind, I only really wanted someone to say: "hey man, good luck!" Or "You can do it!" Or, best case, "I'll forward this on for you."

But that reader of the list apparently took it as an attempt on my part to solicit. In subsequent tweets with this person, I saw much judgement and interpretation, much speaking from his internal story.

He gave me a lot of 'advice' that came through to me as "should's", which I interpret as a form of control. As in, "you should do that!", for me, in my new awareness, is the equivalent of "I want you to do that because that's what I would do", and there is implied control within that statement... as in, what I am doing is not 'right' and that I ought to change it to do it his way.

But all of this that I'm writing right now is, in and of itself, more judgement and interpretation and it's all imaginary!

What's the Reality here? I sent a message on an electronic medium. I hallucinate (borrowed from Tony Robbins =) ) that some people read it. Many did not. Clearly it affected one person. And it prompted me to learn something from the day.

And that is but ONE of the lessons I got from that exchange. :)

Stated concisely:

At any time I and you can become complete victims of our judgements, interpretations and imagination.

The thing to get from this is to be AWARE of what is happening. And realize, that in any moment, there is a choice... you can subscribe to your interpretations and judgements, or you can create and choose another path.

And finally, there is the opportunity here to understand that, There Are No Mistakes In Life. This was a bit of a disaster for me, but in the end it has created so much value for me.

Thanks for your teachings unnamed twitter follower :)

I'm also establishing a WordPress Blog...

I've decided to try out blogging with WordPress. Come have a look at the blog I'm building there: http://www.bestcoaching.ca/

Coaching is...

The best definition I've see of Life Coaching yet... Thanks to Accomplishment Coaching for putting this together.

COACHING IS:

We coach the conversation that is in the way of your commitment.

We get at your personal best.

We distinguish and empower (see what you are doing and not doing, hearing what you are saying or not saying, designing actions that give access to new power and possibility).

We add speed and power to life’s projects (do you have one or more you are working on?)

We make dreams come true.

We get you out of your own way.

We design actions that are in line with your commitments and values. What are your core commitments and values?

We reveal your current context and practicing new ways of being.(Context defines what is currently possible and what actions can be taken. New context = new possibility + actions)

For examples of this, read Real Life Coaching Stories.

The second mistake you're making: you isolate yourself.

Do you ever feel really, really bad about yourself? You know, so miserable, hating yourself so much that you can't even look in the mirror? Do you ever feel like the world is so brutally unfair and that you just don't belong in it? Do you get to the point where you just wish you weren't even alive and you just hide in your favorite cozy place -- under the covers or, my favorite, in the closet?

If you are anything like me or the many other people I have met, when you get to this point, you probably tend to want to hide... to retreat from the world. You isolate yourself.

You start to believe that there is nobody on this planet that gets you, and that nobody will even take the time to listen to you anyway. They'll just placate you "oh, don't worry about it, it's gonna be fine...", or they'll offer solutions "it's not a big deal -- how about you just...", or they'll just talk about themselves, "this reminds me of the time I..."

Does this story sound familiar? If so, do you see the massive mistake that you're making? Can you guess why it's important to recognize that isolating yourself is at a time like this is the completely wrong thing to do?

I'm far from perfect, so I still fall into this behavior myself. But about a decade ago I started to reset my thinking about this whole scenario, and today I'm getting so much better at shifting this behavior.

"All things are subject to interpretation; whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."~ Friedrich Nietzsche

First of all I came to discover that everything that is going through my mind when I am in this state is just judgement; just pure imagination; perhaps just F.alse E.vidence A.ppearing R.eal. And when I fall into the trap of self-hating and judging, I completely lose the ability to see myself as I truly am. I am no longer present to reality. My stories, interpretations and judgements about myself take over. I see myself as a loser or failure or asshole. I can't help but see myself that way. That's the reality that I create in my mind.

I have tried every trick and tool from all kinds of books, classes and counseling to try to escape these self-destructive thinking patterns. But they never solved the problem, because I've found that in such an upset state, I am blinded to the actual reality -- that I am perfectly fine, that there is nothing wrong with me or the world.

I assert that the only way out of this cycle of self-destructive thought is to reach out to a trusted person. Someone who is actually capable of listening. Someone who gives true empathy and compassion "I can see how upset you are... I feel your hurt.", who offers acceptance "I still care about you and want the best for you no matter what you be, do or have..." and who reminds you of who you truly are "This a painful time for you, but you are so great because..."

“Everyone has a purpose in life… a unique gift or special talent to give to others. And when we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals.” ~Deepak Chopra

There are a number of options available for you. But the most important quality and skill that you need is somebody who can keep themselves out of the conversation, and completely devote their time and attention to your need to express yourself and heal.

The first and easiest route is to higher a professional -- a Life Coach, a counselor or a psychotherapist. These people are trained listeners, and more importantly, you are paying them to listen to you. That's their job.

The second is to find a spiritual leader -- either at your church or other non-denominational spiritual organization. Many pastors and spiritual leaders have as much training and/or experience as a professional psychotherapist.

The third is to use some form of healing group -- best to consult with your local mental health organization or church about this.

The fourth is to use some kind of online or social-media based groups -- use people who are independent of you and with whom you can establish some ground rules such as: just listen to me, don't give me solutions.

The fifth, and I believe the hardest, is to find really, really good friends. I think this is the hardest because the better you know a person, the harder it becomes to be independent and objective. A good friend will see your pain and want to try to take it away from you by solving the problem. But I think we all manage to find really good friends who get the whole concept of listening non-judgmentally.

The last resort, in my humble opinion, is your family or your spouse. They can be there to support you when you really need it, but I would assert that it is almost impossible for them to be independent and objective. You are all too close, and your emotions and judgements will hook them and hurt them, whether you want to or not.

But in the end, no matter what choice you make, isolating yourself is not the solution.

Please don't get me wrong -- everyone has the right to have time to themselves, especially for men. Perhaps journaling or some other form of expression can be very effective for you.

But, at some point, you need to connect with other human beings and let them see you, and let them help you to see who you REALLY are.

From the series:

If you want to learn more about how Life Coaching can help you, contact me for a free consultation. info@bestcoaching.ca

Meaningful Media -- Are you a lion or a gazelle? Does it matter?

This is one of my favorite quotes:

“Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a lion or gazelle - when the sun comes up, you’d better be running.”

I just finished reading "There is Nothing Wrong With You". In the book, the idea of being present is explored. What does being 'present' mean? To me it means being here, now, sitting with whatever is going on in your personal universe. What do you see NOW? What do you feel NOW? What do you hear NOW?

This is in contrast to what we usually do in our minds -- we often reside in our imaginations, thinking about the past and how we SHOULD have acted, or thinking about what we need to DO next in order to change ourselves or our world to conform to how it SHOULD be.

The book explores the concept that as children, we are educated to believe that that there is something wrong with us. For example, if we laugh like a hyena at something ridiculous, maybe our parents told us to stop being silly. Or perhaps we cried when we fell, and our siblings told us to stop being a baby. Whatever happens in our past, it leaves many people questioning themselves and their own worth.

We find that perhaps we are a gazelle at heart, but the world tells us we 'have to' be strong and fight like the lion. Or perhaps we are a lion, and the world tells us that we must be meek and unobtrusive like a sheep or a gazelle.

Either way, we are often told (directly or indirectly) that who we are is wrong.

But the point of the book and in my own personal discovery is: does any of it matter? You are who you are. I am who I am. That will never change.