Simple Gratitude

“When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears” Anthony Robbins

Insight + Action = Results

I've been breaking my commitment to myself to be transparent during the process of building my coaching practice.  But as I've learned in the past months, though commitment is often viewed as a single event in time, it's often more useful to think of commitment as a series of recommitments.

So I recommit to sharing my experiences. :)

The recent months have been hard for me.  My teachers, teammates and coach have me considering that view -- that life is hard -- as a choice, and indeed I see that there are different choices available, yet making a different choice is far from easy.  My intention in sharing is to have you know that when you hit this point in whatever it is you are doing, there is nothing right or wrong about it.  It's merely an experience.

Since I began coaching in July 2010, I have coached 15 clients privately, and more as a part of my training program.  Not bad, huh?

I have passed through the different stages of building a business -- I've found pro bono clients, reduced-rate/partial-pay clients, and I've secured full pay clients.  Each stage was difficult for me and pushed me out of my comfort zone.  But I did it.  I worked through my discomfort and got the result I wanted.

And now I sit at another point of discomfort, way outside my comfort zone.  I just want to work with more people -- my sincerest dream is that they will fall from the sky into my lap -- but this is not how it's going to go for me.  Not because it's impossible or unrealistic as a concept, but because it's impossible and unrealistic for me at this moment.

What do I mean?

I'm tired.  I'm discouraged.  I'm down.

And I'm just doing all of the things I would normally do when in this state -- I'm beating myself up ("you're such a loser, who's going to hire you?"), I'm sensitive to complaining and negativity ("holy crap, do people ever stop complaining!?") and I want to isolate myself ("I don't want anyone to see me like this -- what kind of coach would I be if I showed people my stuff?")

In this state of mind and being, it is literally impossible for me to have clients fall into my lap.  I simply won't allow it.  In this act of writing and sharing my feelings, I believe that it will push people away from me.  So it will.  Now, at this moment.

But that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong or bad or valueless about me writing this.

It's just an experience.  And perhaps it's the experience that you need to read to propel you forward in your life.

At a later time, (maybe even 5 seconds after I complete this article), it will be realistic for me to have clients fall from the sky, because my state of being will allow it to be possible.

Or perhaps it will inspire you to contact me and hire me as your coach...

And what is the difference between me having this run through my head and not express it versus write it on a blog for others to see?

Writing is an action that I'm taking.  An action to shift myself from being an isolated, lonely, terrified person, to being a fully expressed, connected and loving man.

Insight + Action = Results.

Guest Article: Can Staying Positive Stop Cancer?

Guest Article

I'm so pleased and honored to be able to share this article, written by Trevor Bradshaw,with you all.  Trevor is a public health advocate dedicated to fighting cancer.  He is a recent graduate of the University of Central Florida and an aspiring writer. For more articles and information about his work, feel free to email him at trevorsendeavors@gmail.com.

Can Staying Positive Stop Cancer?

Oftentimes one of the first things that a cancer patient might hear after diagnosis is “Just stay positive.” But could staying positive actually become medical advice someday soon? It’s possible.  Scientists studying the new field of physchoneuroimmunology have been exploring the interactions between the nervous and immune systems of the body, including exactly what power positive thinking can have on fighting cancer.

Although an exact link between positivity and increased survival rates has yet to be uncovered, recent studies have shown a cancer mortality rate 19% higher for pessimists than optimists. Optimists have even been shown to have an increased life expectancy in cancers that are thought to be based primarily on environmental factors such as lung cancer and peritoneal mesothelioma

It’s possible however that it’s not necessarily the power of positive thinking that accounts for the gap in life expectancy and mortality rates- it might be simply that too much of the wrong kind of negative thinking can be dangerous.  New research has recently proven that there is a direct correlation between too much stress and tumor growth.  In particular norepinephrine, a chemical that is released in heavy amounts during stressful situations, has come under scrutiny as it has been shown to increase cancerous tumor cell growth in mice and is thought to play a role in ovarian cancer in humans as well.

While we are still quite far away from doctor’s prescribing you to stay positive as a cancer drug, it should come as no surprise that doctors are more and more adamant that cancer patients attend support groups.  Because support groups are an outlet for patients or survivors to discuss their emotions and reactions with others who have been through similar experiences they often decrease the dangerous levels of stress that come with cancer. Furthermore cancer support groups often help patients to forge long-lasting relationships in a like-minded community and can have a strong positive affect on a cancer patient or survivors’ outlook. In the end, while it’s clear we don’t know enough to say for sure that staying positive can actively help patients beat cancer maybe that old advice “Just stay positive” has something to it after all.

For more articles and information about Trevor's work, please email him at: trevorsendeavors@gmail.com.

Secrets to more Joy in Life. First, it ain't what you're doin' that's the problem!

Doing vs Being

In this series of articles we will explore some of the discoveries I've made in creating joy in my own life. You will learn some of the core concepts and tools that I have learned that keep me expanding my passion for life.

One of the secrets to finding joy in my life has come from the understanding that what you are DOING in life is not always the problem; often the problem is how you're BEING about it.

So what exactly do I mean by this? One day I came across a concept that I will never forget. Most people live life like:

DO HAVE BE

They believe that if they do a lot of activities, they will get a lot of things and they will be happy. Or they live life like:

HAVE DO BE

They believe the more stuff they have, the more than can do and therefore the more happy they will be. I learned a very that a very simple shift in the order of the verbs will lead to a better and more harmonious way to live:

BE DO HAVE

Be who we are or want to be, do the activities that support that being, we will naturally get what we want.

Doing

What do I mean by doing? Doing. Activity. Every day we are doing. We are in activity. We get up, eat, go to work, work, eat, work some more, eat some more, work some more, go exercise, go read, go traveling, go, go, go.

Many people are always going from one thing to the next to the next. And they think that by doing lots of things, they will accomplish lots of things, and therefore they will get LOTS of results.

Can you identify with that?

Being

What do I mean by being? Being. Simply, Who we ARE at any given moment. All of us have many states of being.

We can be child: "Oooh let's play!"

We can be Head: "I observe that you are unhappy."

We can be Heart: "I feel your pain... I can't help but cry."

How might this show up when facilitating a workshop or running a meeting?

Think of the authoritarian where she speaks from a sense of authority, from a view point of giver of information, as commander: "We're going outside right now. Get up, Go downstairs right now, wait for me, don't move until I get there."

Think of the facilitator where she speaks from a position of co-creation, of equality, of teamwork. "I'd really love to go outside now – what do you think? Would that work for you? Would you like to go together?"

Problems with a doing life

In both cases she has the same objective, and she does the same thing – she communicates her need to go outside – but her way of doing it is completely different because how she is BEING about it is completely different.

Here's the thing about just doing in life: often, what a person does is automatic. She feels tired, so she grabs a coffee. Someone calls her an idiot, so she gets mad. She makes a mistake while speaking in public and she starts justifying herself.

Does this sound familiar to you?

I'm not saying that any of what we do is bad or good – just that it is often automatic.. and if someone just focuses on what they are doing in life without considering how they're being about it, the results they generate, and the experience they have in life will be completely different.

Application

So how might this idea be applied to your life, right now? Let's look at: Being at Effect and Being at Cause. Also called Being Victim and Being Responsible.

Being at Effect

Many of people feel like victims in life and by being a victim I mean: they feel powerless and helpless in some act/circumstance/condition. They are DONE to. They are at effect.

Can you think of anyone in your life who sounds like this, maybe I can call him Save me Steve:

He seeks advice, looks for rescue, he can't be who he really are because of all the stuff that's happening in his life, and the source of the problem is everywhere but himself.

There's nothing wrong with being this way, and nothing right about it either. But it's not powerful. As a victim, I cannot be the source of my life.

Being at Cause

By contrast, let's look at being At Cause.. Being Responsible. I define a being responsible as: being accountable for interpretations and behaviors. Caring mainly about the ultimate success of projects and relationships and being oriented to action and correction rather than explanation and self-protection.

Who is a model of responsibility in your life?

I think of Responsible Ross. Ross focuses on what is working and what is not working. He does not approach a relationship or project as though something is wrong, he approaches it as though something is missing. Ross is not as concerned with looking good as with having life work.

I'm not saying that being Responsible is better than being victim. It's just that by being responsible I am empowered to be the source of my own results in life, not intimated or weighed down by it as I would as Victim. Responsibility actually gives me freedom to act.

So, how do you think life would be if you were living in a state of Responsibility? Do you think you would do anything differently than if you were in a victim state of being?

Doing vs Being in sales

As a final example, let's look at how this idea might be applied to a sales person.

How many different programs are there out there to teach you how to sell?

A LOT.

And some are very effective; some less so. So knowing what to do and how to do it is important. Agreed?

But let's look at two scenarios of a seller who is very skillful at selling:

First scenario: the seller wins the lottery the night before he meets his prospect. He has $100,000,000 in his bank account, and he goes to sell something to his prospect. The seller is elated and doesn't have a care in the world. His state of being is blissful, free and joyous. How do you think he will perform?

Second scenario: the seller's house burned to the ground the night before the seller met his prospect. The seller lost everything and the prospect was his only chance at getting some money for dinner for that night. The seller is defeated, scared and on the verge of emotional breakdown. His state of being is desperation.

How do you think he will perform now? Can you think of how your performance is being affected by how you're BEING about what you're doing?

What now?

We now have the idea that how you DO something is certainly important, but how you BE about it is even MORE important! So, with this important distinction made, what do you do now?

The "simple" answer is: learn to control your states of being. But as you may already know from experience, taking control of yourself can be a very great challenge, especially in emotional situations!! The HOW of it is a whole process in and of itself, something that we'll explore in more depth in the next article.

But to get you started, I believe that the first, and easiest step to take is grow self awareness. Are things not going the way you expect or hope them to go? Consider asking yourself some questions:

What are my thoughts, feelings and body sensations?

What beliefs, interpretations or judgments am I holding?

What result am I trying to get? What do I REALLY want?

And consider taking on activities that bring you to the present such as:

Meditation.

Conscious Breathing.

Grounding exercises.