So far we have discussed what happens when you do not invest in yourself, and what the result of isolating yourself is.
But I think that this next mistake is the main barrier to success in life, and it is internal to ourselves: it is Fear. Fear in all its shapes and forms.
Fear of change: What if we do this and my life changes? I'll tell you this: it's going to change whether you like it or not. But you have a choice -- you can be at the cause of the change or at the Effect of it.
Fear of failure -- what if I try and it doesn't work? This fear is near and dear to my heart. But I have a favorite quote that addresses it:
In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is: NOTHING.
Fear of Failure has a buddy: Fear of Success: What if I do this and become so successful, so famous, what will happen then?
I've had the same fear in my life. For example, I made a decision about a year ago to really get comfortable with speaking in front of people. But I definitely feared the implications. I asked: What will happen if I do some knuckle headed thing on stage in front of thousands of people -- will I bring unending embarrassment to myself, my friends and my family?
But nothing in life is predictable. We try to use past experience to predict the future, but the thing I have learned about myself, you and all humans is that we have this infinite capacity to make 180 degree turns in our lives.
We fear the unknown, but ironically the unknown is also the realm of possibility. When we live in the realm of the possible -- of what CAN be -- we expand our capacity to adapt, dream and create!
If you're like me, you are probably sitting there saying, yeah, so what? I knew I was afraid. But what do I do about it?
I've learned that the first step is awareness. First, be aware of when you are allowing fear to stop you from doing what you want to do.
Once you are aware of the fear, then you can ask yourself -- is it a legitimate fear, or am I just making it up? Often our fears are just imaginary, fictitious interpretations based on pure fantasies. Clearly there are times when your fears are justified -- someone points a gun at you, and it's quite appropriate to be afraid -- or maybe a massive spider is looking at you like you could feed her for the next century.
Can you imagine what others will tell you if you have these fears? -- don't be afraid, just get over it! I've gotten that from people a lot, but I've come to finally accept that all of our fears are appropriate -- if you feel afraid, feel afraid! There's nothing wrong with that!
But if the fear is not based on something life-threatening -- i.e. there is no gun pointed at you -- and it is preventing you from achieving something you want to achieve in life, then it's time to start looking at the true source of the fear. What's it really about?
Some common sources of fear are survival and isolation. I often think that if I don't earn money, I will starve and die -- my very survival is at stake, therefore, if I go into an interview situation. Because if I don't earn money, I WILL DIE!!! Or so I believe ;)
As well, fear of being isolated or abandoned is very common. I'm afraid of speaking my mind, of really telling people what I think (whether or not my thoughts are accurate). I'm afraid that if I do that, everyone -- yes EVERYONE -- will hate me, and I will be shunned, excommunicated and left to rot on a mountain in the middle of nowhere.
What are your deep-seated fears?
... some ideas for ways to overcome these fears will be discussed in the next article...
From the series:
- Massive Mistakes Professional Women Make that Keep them Feeling Bored at Work and Trapped by the Corporate Cage
- The First Mistake: You don't invest in yourself.
- The Second mistake you're making: you isolate yourself...
- The Third Mistake...
- The Fourth Mistake...
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